Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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