My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
