Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
