Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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