i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
