Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
