God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
