I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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