Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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