Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
