I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she smelled like a LAN party
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
