I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
