I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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