I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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