Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
