I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
