I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
