I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
