I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
