Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
