one two three fourrrrnication!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
