but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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