I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
