:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
