Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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