yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
