Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
