we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
