Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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