He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
