You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
