Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
