I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want to be your penis for a week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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