Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
