Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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