Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
