I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
