i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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