Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
