i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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