just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
