everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
