I wanna passion pit in your ass
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
