Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
