Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
