so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
