We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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