the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
