Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
