Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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