I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
