I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
