i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
