i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
