i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
