i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
