Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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