I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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