you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
