is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
