not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
