his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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