Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
