did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
