I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
