As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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